Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Lone Star Sate


My roommate is from Colorado and we recently had a conversation about all the “you know you are from ---- when…” jokes and how they are funny because well they are true. After Reading many You know you are from Texas when jokes I found myself dying laughing for this very reason. 

I love being from Texas – and I realize we are very proud people, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. We have more spirit and are not afraid to express it. But as much as I love Texas when my Dad rambles off phrases like “Out yonder in the Paw Paw patch….” [yes Paw Paws are a real thing  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pawpaw ] I become very aware of the fact that Texans are indeed a unique breed – But I sure am proud to be one of them!

For your reading pleasure:

You know you're from texas when...
  • You no longer associate bridges with water.
  • You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
  • You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
  • You can make instant sun tea.
  • You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
  • The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
  • You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
  • You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
  • You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • Hot water comes out of both taps.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
  • You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
  • You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
  • It's so hot the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
  • It's so hot that potatoes cook underground and all you have to do for lunch is to pull one out and add butter with trimmings.
  • It's so hot farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
  • You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup.
  • You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
  • The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  • You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
  • You have 10 favorite recipes for deer meat.
  • You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
  • You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  • You can write a check at Dairy Queen for two Hunger Busters and fries.
  • You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy boots.
  • People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
  • The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and five guys stand up.
  • A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
  • When it rains, everyone is smiling.
  • The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."
  • The Pastor wears boots.
  • Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
  • There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
  • Baptism is referred to as "branding."
  • Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
  • High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
  • People wonder, when Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
  • The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
  • It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.
  • It's a common misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.
  • It's a common misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin' Texas Ranger.
  • It's a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.
  • It's a common misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas accent. Y'all just don't know what y'all are talkin' about.



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