The Lone Star Sate

My roommate is from Colorado and we recently had a conversation about all the “you know you are from ---- when…” jokes and how they are funny because well they are true. After Reading many You know you are from Texas when jokes I found myself dying laughing for this very reason. 

I love being from Texas – and I realize we are very proud people, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. We have more spirit and are not afraid to express it. But as much as I love Texas when my Dad rambles off phrases like “Out yonder in the Paw Paw patch….” [yes Paw Paws are a real thing  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pawpaw ] I become very aware of the fact that Texans are indeed a unique breed – But I sure am proud to be one of them!

For your reading pleasure:

You know you're from texas when...

• You no longer associate bridges with water.
• You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
• You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
• You can make instant sun tea.
• You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
• The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
• You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
• You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
• You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• Hot water comes out of both taps.
• You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
• You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
• You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
• It's so hot the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
• It's so hot that potatoes cook underground and all you have to do for lunch is to pull one out and add butter with trimmings.
• It's so hot farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
• You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup.
• You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
• The mosquitoes have landing lights.
• You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
• You have 10 favorite recipes for deer meat.
• You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
• You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
• You can write a check at Dairy Queen for two Hunger Busters and fries.
• You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy boots.
• People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
• The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and five guys stand up.
• A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
• When it rains, everyone is smiling.
• The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."
• The Pastor wears boots.
• Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
• There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
• Baptism is referred to as "branding."
• Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
• High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
• People wonder, when Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
• The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
• It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.
• It's a common misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.
• It's a common misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin' Texas Ranger.
• It's a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.
• It's a common misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas accent. Y'all just don't know what y'all are talkin' about.